The Listicle: 10 Things I've learned in my eventful absence

In which your humble narrator squeaks in with a September post, apologizes insincerely and lists 10 factastic aphorisms to tide over his adoring public until later.

1. Yeah, so, dissertating. It turns out this takes an ungodly amount of time. Sorry (insincere) about the lack of posts.
2. We went on vacation. To Maine. In the car. 3860 miles, roundtrip. Everyone survived. It was mostly fun. We saw a lot of Rust Belt, and went to Trader Joe's stores in many exotic locations, like Cleveland Ohio and Portland, Maine.
3. Maine is pretty. It is also eerily like West Virginia, only northern, and people have decrepit boats on their lawns instead of just cars.
4. "Concatenate" is a great word.
5. So much better than "listicle."
6. But unlike "concatenate," "listicle" is a portmanteau word.
7. "Portmanteau" is a great word.
8. Child #1 turned 4. He is no longer a rotten baby, but has matured into a rotten (but loveable) kid.
9. Child #2 has a thing for Elton John, whose name she pronounces "Molten John."
10. I have postulated that the universe exists on a continuum that runs from douchey to lame. The exact middle point of that continuum is occupied by the recumbent bicycle.

11. Bonus Item: I deeply regret (insincere) the pain that this will likely cause recumbent bicycle enthusiasts.

Damn You, Elton John

In which your humble narrator explains how, according to Child #1, an aging British pop sensation soiled his bath tub.

I was sitting in the bathroom giving Child #1 a bath tonight. They have some bath markers, you know, for the funness. Child #1 picks up the red marker and starts scribbling all over the side of the tub. Conversation went as follows:

Child #1: This is Elton John's blood.
Me: Wait, what?
Child #1: This is Elton John's blood, all over the tub.
Me: How did Elton John's blood get all over the tub?
Child #1: (Waits, pondering, then:) Elton John was in the tub and he cracked.
Me: You are so weird it makes my hair hurt.

I'm pretty sure that the boys at preschool have something to do with his recent blood fixation. Either that or he's a vampire. Whatever.